| | 
 Interfaith Weddings:
Jewish/Christian/Muslim/Buddhist, etc.
One of the very great joys and privileges of being a wedding minister in the 21st century is the frequency with which I am asked to perform ceremonies between people of different faiths. This is such a powerful and profound statement of our country’s ideals – that love and shared common values should overcome any barrier of creed! I have created ceremonies for all types of interfaith marriages and unions: Jewish/Christian, Christian/Hindu, Hindu/Humanist, Humanist/Buddhist. Buddhist/Muslim, Muslim/Christian, Christian/Pagan, Pagan/Jewish…..
There are so many ways to honor different traditions within the same ceremony and yet maintain an overall feeling of unity and coherence. Here are some examples of interfaith ceremonies I’ve done. Bring your ideas with you and I’ll be happy to create a perfect interfaith wedding for you!
Jewish-Christian Wedding
My beloved said unto me, Rise up, my love, my fair one,
For, lo, the winter is past, the rain is over and gone;
The flowers appear on the earth; the time of the singing of birds is come,
and the voice of the turtle is heard in our land;
Arise, my love, my fair one, and come away,
for I am my beloved's, and my beloved is mine.
Ani l'dodi v'dodi li
*** *** ***
A ceremony incorporating both Christian and Jewish wedding traditions can be not only beautiful, but can lay the groundwork for the respectful blending of two belief systems for the duration of the marriage.
Arising from the same cultural and historical matrix, Judaism and Christianity rituals have many elements in common. For a wedding ceremony, both include a welcoming of the guests, the exchange of vows and rings, a blessing of you as a couple, the pronouncement of your marriage, and a closing benediction. Some of the unique elements of a Jewish ceremony include the presence of a chuppah (the wedding canopy), prayers in Hebrew, the sharing and blessing of wine, the seven wedding blessings, the breaking of the glass, special dances following the nuptials. A Christian ceremony includes Old and New Testament readings, the lighting of a unity candle, the reading of the Lord's Prayer, and a declaration of intent.
For some couples, it may be necessary to have two, separate ceremonies in order to honor the integrity of the ritual as a whole, or to obtain the services of a rabbi or priest, who are sometimes bound by their religious orders to perform weddings only inside a temple or church of their own tradition. However, there are many liberal ministers and rabbis who are happy to officiate or co-officiate a ceremony that blends elements from both religions.
A wise rabbi once noted that in all streams of Jewish tradition there are two parts to any ritual, the "keva" and the "kavanna." The keva is the structure of the ritual, its actual components and words, and the kavanna is the intention and focus that makes it sacred. Thus, even if the “keva” is altered, it is possible to bring the “kevanna” that makes the ceremony a sacred one in the hearts and minds of those participating.
I hope you will find inspiration in the following readings and ideas for your own interfaith wedding! .Here is a ceremony for a couple in which one of Jewish and the other Catholic:
Jewish – Christian Ceremony: An Example
Pre-Ceremony: If a Ketubah (the Jewish wedding covenant) has been made, it is traditionally signed by the couple before the wedding, but may be included during the ceremony itself.
Processional: Joyful music alerts the guests that the wedding is about to begin. Under a wedding canopy, the minister awaits the arrival of the bride and groom, who appear, each walking between their parents down a different aisle. They arrive at the front of the room and are embraced by their parents, who are then seated. Then, traditionally, the bride circles the groom seven times. Alternatively, each circles the other three times and the final circle is made by the couple together. The music stops, the couple comes under the canopy and move forward to stand with the minister.
Welcome: Today I invite you to share the joy of these two people, who have found joy in each other. You, their family and friends, are all especially welcome here because you form a circle of love. They are as they are, in part, because they have known all of you. The loved ones in this circle have shared concerns, shared both agreement and disagreement, have shared tears and laughter. Through that sharing, _____ and _____ have become more as persons. You are all a part of their past, and by your presence here, they feel your promise to care for and uphold them as they move into the future. You are not just spectators today. Not merely witnesses, but truly participants in the ceremony of love. I ask you to be here now, fully present, with open hearts and minds. Ready to bless and be blessed by the love which has called us together this day.
Tribute to the Ancestors
(Bride and Groom walk to small altar and place flowers in a vase while minister says)
When two people come together to form another ring around the Tree of Life, it is right and good that they should give thanks to those who came before them -- those dearly present and those dearly departed whose blessings they seek and whose gifts they acknowledge. Today, we give honor to _______________ and _____________, (or simply say, “to all those” rather than naming them individually) who, although they are not with us in the flesh, are here in spirit to celebrate this communion of love. Let us remember them now in a moment of silence.
Celebrating the Differences:
Coming from two distinct traditions, _____ and ____ have come together to learn the best of what each has to offer, to celebrate their differences, and build a firm foundation on the common ground of love and respect. This ceremony has been created by the bride and groom to express to you their understandings of love and marriage and to incorporate those aspects of their respective traditions that each loves the most. We are standing under a chuppah, the Jewish symbol of the new home and family, and we will later light the unity candle, a Christian symbol of two people igniting the mystery of the third in the marriage. We ask you to receive this ceremony as a gift in the spirit in which it is offered.
Sharing of the Wine
(Bride and Groom pour wine from the two carafes into a single cup and share the wine as minister speaks – alternatively, the wine and cup can be brought up by parents or friends or members of the wedding party.)
Minister: ___ and ___, into this cup has been poured both sweet and bitter wine. The sweet is said to be the joy of life, the bitter is said to be the sorrow of life. As these two wines have been mixed in this cup, so will joy and sorrow be mixed in your life. As you drink from this cup, remember that as you share your lives you will also share the joys and sorrows that come to one or to both of you, each in their turn. As together you partake of this cup of wine, remember that your union in meant to strengthen you in the sorrowful times, that from one another you may draw contentment, comfort and joy from the cup of life. Thereby may you find life's joy doubly gladdened, its bitterness sweetened and all things allowed by true companionship and love.
Rosh Hodesh Blessing
Give us long life,
A life of peace,
A life of goodness,
A life of blessing,
A life of nourishment and sustenance.
May it be a life of bodily health,
A life in which is found
Awe and wonder for the sacred,
A life of happiness and honor,
A life of integrity and discernment,
Intelligence and knowledge,
A life in which our heart's longings
Are met with gladness.
Unity Candle
(Bride and Groom take the two tapers and as minister speaks, they light the unity candle together and replace the tapers in their holders. Alternately, the mothers can come forward and light tapers, from which the bride and groom light their own tapers and then proceed to light Unity Candle)
Minister: Even as the flame of your individual lives continues to burn brightly, we celebrate the mystery of the third thing - that invisible presence which is your love made manifest in each other's lives and in the world. This third flame is fed by your love and will, in turn, feed you with greater brightness and warmth than you can even imagine now, at the tender beginnings of your life journey together. In lighting this third candle, we bear witness to the awesome power of love's groundedness in the substance of earthly life. As this flame draws its nurturance from the candle beneath, so does our human love thrive in the substance of our daily giving and forgiving; the seasons of our planting and of our harvest; the rootedness of our beginnings and the blossoming of our aspirations. May this flame grow ever brighter as the wisdom of your love adds substance to its glow.
Prayer
If I speak with the tongues of angels, but have not love,
I have become sounding brass or a tinkling symbol.
And if I have prophecy and know all mysteries,
and if I have all faith so as to remove mountains,
but have not love, I am nothing.
Love is long suffering, love is kind,
it is not jealous, love does not boast, it is not inflated.
It is not discourteous, it is not selfish, it is not irritable,
It does not rejoice over the wrong, but rejoices in the truth
Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes in all things, endures all things.
Love never fails;
Now remains faith, hope, love, these three;
but the greatest of these is love.
I Corinthians, chapter 12:31-13:8
The Kiss of Peace - Christian tradition
Rebecca invites Wedding Party to move forward and kiss/embrace/shake hands with family in the front row. She then invites all guests to turn to the person behind or beside them and share “the kiss of peace.” Minister and all members of the wedding party move among the guests to welcome and embrace. Music plays.
Declaration of Intent: Minister: (to bride and groom) Have you come here freely and without reservation to give yourselves to each other in marriage?Bride and Groom: We have.Minister: Will you love and honor each other as husband and wife for the rest of your lives?Bride and Groom: We will.Minister: Since it is your intention to enter into marriage, join your right hands, and declare your consent before all you hold holy.
Vows (a combination of traditional Ketubah vows and Catholic vows)
I, (bride/groom) take you, (bride/groom) to be my wife/husband,
to have and to hold from this day forward,
for better for worse, for richer for poorer,
in sickness and in health,
to love and to cherish, from this day forward.
I will honor you, uphold and sustain you in all truth and sincerity,
in times of joy as well as hardship.
Let our home be built on truth and loving-kindness,
rich in wisdom and reverence.
May we always keep these words in our hearts
as a symbol of our eternal commitment to each other:
I am my beloved's and my beloved is mine.
This is my solemn vow.
Exchange of Rings
These rings in their unbroken wholeness are tokens of the continuity of your love. May their shining substance be a symbol of the enduring trust and affection that you bring to one another.
__________, I give you this ring as a sign of my love,
and with all that I am and all that I have, I honor you,
and take you for my husband/wife.
Vows of the Guests
Minister - As these family members gather round to offer a circle of blessing to ___ and ___, we invite you to join hands with the persons next to you and feel yourself to be fully alive in the circle of life and love. May the love which brought us here today be a sustaining light and warmth in the days and years to come. May its power bless and protect ___ and ___ as they embark on their great adventure of marriage. Knowing that marriage as a time honored institution requires not only the love freely received and freely given by these two, but also the respect and honor of their community, we ask each one of you now, to join in offering this blessing to ___ and ___. Please repeat after me:
We respect your union/We honor its purpose/
We wish you joy/and we send you peace/Blessed Be
Pronouncement & Benediction
May God bless you and keep you.
May God's countenance shine upon you and be gracious to you.
May God look upon you with favor and grant you peace.
As you _________ and _________ have chosen one another from among all the men and women of the earth; have declared your love for one another before this company; have pledged to live together under this sacred covenant by the saying of vows and exchange of rings, now, by the authority vested in me by the church and by the state, I pronounce you husband and wife.
Breaking of the Glass
Rebecca takes the glass that was used in the Wine ceremony and holds it aloft and says,
May this glass from which you have drunk together be for you and for you alone. Respecting the fragility of love and promising your mutual fidelity and trust, I invite you to enter now the kingdom of marriage!
Minister hands glass to bride who wraps it in napkin and hands it to groom. He raises his foot and stomps the glass underfoot. Everyone calls out, Mazeltov! The bride and groom kiss and make their exit while music plays.
Recessional: Immediately after the ceremony, the couple enters a private space for “yichud” – a few moments of togetherness. There they celebrate their new status as a married couple so that when they reenter the party they can devote their time to their guests having first attended to each other!
Christian-Buddhist Weddings
I want to be your friend
For ever and ever without break or decay.
When the hills are all flat
And the rivers are all dry,
When it lightens and thunders in winter,
When it rains and snows in summer,
When Heaven and Earth mingle
Not til then will I part from you.
Anonymous., China, 1st Century B
The sacred traditions of the East can add tremendous beauty and depth to a marriage between two cultures. Instead of the traditional white gown, bright colors, red in particular, is used in Chinese and Japanese wedding decoration. Red banners used for a wedding are called "happiness banners" and is considered an essential part of the wedding decorations. It's decorated on both sides of the doors of the newlywed's home and the reception site. The Chinese writing on the banners are rhythmic poem praising the couple and their perfect marriage. Tea ceremonies, lighting of candles, exchange of gifts, planting bamboo, celebration of the Red Thread – all of these traditions may be employed in Asian-American weddings.
Here is an example of a ceremony drawing from Asian traditions.
Wedding Ceremony
Prelude & Opening: Traditional music is playing. When all have arrived, relatives are seated, parents are seated, Minister walks in followed by children ringing bells; attendants enter; bride and groom enter with parents at opposite sides of the room and come together at the front. Music ends.
Welcome: Minister welcomes guests with a poem chosen by the couple.
Honoring the Ancestors:
(Bride and Groom walk to small altar and light votive candles and/or place flowers in small vases while Minister says)
When two people come together to form another ring around the Tree of Life, it is right and good that they should give thanks to those who came before them -- those dearly present and those dearly departed whose blessings they seek and whose gifts they acknowledge. Today, we give honor to _______________ and _____________, who, tho they are not with us in the flesh, are certainly here in spirit to celebrate this communion of love.
First Reading: from the Jesus Sutras
Love leads to truth; perfect love to perfect truth.
Truth is like the moon reflected in the water;
when the water is stirred up and muddy,
the image is blurred and indistinct,
so it is with us when our spirit is clouded.
Let our love be a pure compassion,
one for another, and without seeking our own glory,
be true to our own hearts.
So our spirits will guide us to what is right and true and just.
So love leads us along the way of peace and joy to Truth.
(from The Lost Sutras of Jesus, Christian monks who lived and worked in China from the 6th century on ~ edited and arranged by R Armstrong)
Seven-Step Prayer (Buddhist inspired)
Minister reads text on the Seven steps while bride and groom walk towards each other, one step at a time, until they are hand in hand.
Take the first step and walk a lifetime together -
Protecting, defending, belonging to one another
Take the second step and walk a lifetime together -
Keeping your bodies sacred one to another
Take the third step and walk a lifetime together -
Respecting each other as centers of will and power
Take the fourth step and walk a lifetime together -
Let the yearnings of your heart be your guide
Take the fifth step and walk a lifetime together -
Praising the creations that each of you bring to the world
Take the sixth step and walk a lifetime together -
Mind meeting Mind in a vision of Love's wisdom
Take the seventh step and walk a lifetime together -
Soul touching Soul in a celebration of Love's pure joy!
The Ceremony of the Red Thread
Sometimes, when lovers meet for the first time, there is a shared sense of destiny; a sense that one is remembering, rather than meeting this new person. This is the sense that is called “soulmates” in the West. In the East it is the tradition of The Red Thread.
The sages say:
"An invisible red thread connects those who are destined to meet, regardless of time, place, or circumstance. The thread may stretch or tangle, but never break."
Some people never see the red thread, or feel the pounding of their heart as they glance into the eyes of destiny. For them, perhaps it is fine to have never known. But for those who have wound the thread around and around until it led them to the one partner for whom they have searched a lifetime, this is a moment of greatest joy and expectation.
As the minister is explaining this tradition, two cups tied together with a red string are brought forward. The bride and groom each take a cup and with arms crossed over each other, they each drink from a cup. This is the formal wedding vow in Chinese culture.
The minister says:
“_____ and ________, take and drink from this cup, that you may forever remember the joy of your meeting and the knowledge of your deep connection. Honor it and keep it sacred, now and forever.”
Vows: (based on the Sigilovdda Suttra)
In five ways should a wife be ministered to by her husband:
by respect, by courtesy, by faithfulness, by giving her sovereignty,
by providing her with the beauty she needs to live.
__________, do you promise to minister to _________ in these ways?
Groom replies: I do.
In these five ways should the husband be ministered to by his wife:
by love, by faithfulness, by tending to the needs of the family,
by respecting those he calls family and friends, by being the beauty he needs to live.
__________, do you promise to minister to _________ in these ways?
Bride replies: I do.
.
Honoring of the Parents
(Bride and Groom take flowers or small gifts to both sets of parents as Rebecca says)
_____ & ____ have walked a long road to be here today. They acknowledge all that their parents ______________ and _____________, and families have done for them in the course of their lives, and express their gratitude. The spark of love brought you forth into the world. We honor your origins and the families who raised you in love. May the flame of life burn brightly, giving light and warmth to all who fall within its generous circle. May the spark of love that gave them life now ignite our hearts.
The newlyweds walk to the parents and bow three times, to the heaven and earth, to the ancestors (represented by the candles on the table) and their parents, then to each other. The bride then offers tea to both sets of parents. They give the bride a gift of Li Shi money wrapped in a red envelope.
Blessing & Pronouncement:
Bride and Groom return to front, join hands and receive the blessing:
You have taken the seven steps. You have become married forever.
May the nights be honey-sweet for you; may the mornings be honey-sweet for you;
May the earth be honey-sweet for you; may the heavens be honey-sweet for you.
May the plants be honey-sweet for you; May the sun be all honey for you;
As the heavens are forever, as the earth is forever, as the mountains are forever,
as the whole universe is forever, so may you be forever together.
I declare you husband and wife!
Lighting the Good Luck Candle
They light the dragon and phoenix candle together and then kiss.
Recessional: bride and groom exit after kiss while music plays; attendants follow; minister invites parents and relatives to follow, then invites guests to join wedding party.
*** *** ***
Additional Readings from Eastern Traditions
The Buddhist Scriptures
The Buddha's sermon at Rajagaha; verses 19-22
19 "Do not deceive, do not despise each other anywhere. Do not be angry nor bear secret resentments; for as a mother will risk her life and watches over her child, so boundless be your love to all, so tender, kind and mild.
20 Cherish good will right and left, early and late, and without hindrance, without stint, be free of hate and envy, while standing and walking and sitting down, what ever you have in mind, the rule of life that is always best is to be loving-kind.
21 Gifts are great, founding temples is meritorious, meditations and religious exercises pacify the heart,comprehension of the truth leads to Nirvana, but greater than all is lovingkindness.
22 As the light of the moon is 16 times stronger than the light of all the stars, so lovingkindness is 16 times more efficacious in liberating the heart than all other religious accomplishments taken together."
From" The Gospel of the Buddha" Paul Carus, 1915, Open court Publishing source:"The Mahavagga" Sacred books of the East. Oxford, 1881-82
*** *** ***
A Wedding Reading from The Hindu scriptures –
The Brihadaranyaka Upanishad, selected verses
A wife loves her husband not for his own sake, dear one, but because the Divine Beloved lives in him. A Husband loves his wife not for her own sake, dear one, but because the Divine Beloved lives in her. Children are loved not for their own sake, dear one, but because the Divine Beloved lives in them... All things are loved not for their own sake, but because the Divine Beloved lives in them. The Divine Beloved must be realized. Hearing about and meditating upon the Divine Beloved, you will come to understand everything in life...
As long as there is the sense of separateness, one sees another as separate from oneself... But when the Divine Beloved is realized as the indivisible unity of life, who can be seen by whom... who can be spoken to by whom, who can be thought of by whom, who can be known by whom?
Translated by Eknath Easwaran, Nilgiri Press, 1987
*** *** ***
Wedding Benediction
From Songs of Songs (Old Testament – Jewish/Christian) and Gitanjali (Rabindrananth Tagore -- Hindu)
Arise, my love, my fair one, and come away;
for lo, the winter is past, the rain is over and gone.
The flowers appear on the earth, the time of singing has come,
the voice of the turtledove is heard in our land.
Set this as a seal upon your hearts,
for love is stronger than death,
Set these words as a seal upon your hearts:
For thus did Radha and Krishna feel in their hearts the joys of love.
Thus did their eyes speak to each other the language of deep love
where there is no need for words.
Thus shall the infinite gifts of love come to you
Carried in the small hands of time and that which is mortal.
Ages pass, and still Love pours forth and still there is room to fill.
Drink deeply of this Love
And know eternity in time.
Today the summer has come to your window
with its sighs and murmurs.
Now it is time to sit quietly, face to face with the beloved,
and sing dedications of your life
to this silent and overflowing love.
* * * * *
| |
